I must start today’s post by saying, I’m not doing a great job of posting weekly. I was trying really hard to stay on top of things, but then life got a little busy, and my blog has gotten pushed to the back burner. However, I hope to get on track over the next few weeks as life slows down and regains a bit of normalcy.
With that being said, I arrive at today’s question (which has been weighing me down over the last few weeks)…Intuition or the Paralyzing Grip of Fear?
After quite a mental struggle, I am deciding where I will plant my feet next. For several months now, I’ve been trying to decide where to move. I’ve considered my commute time to work, the heartbeat of my social life, what’s comfortable/what’s not so comfortable, where I see myself in my career in the next few years, and a number of other things in this decision process. Unfortunately, at the end of the day, I still find myself saying, “I just don’t know what to do”. I truly feel trapped between the questions, “Is this my gut instinct kicking in trying to warn me of something I cannot see?” and “Am I so fearful of what lies ahead that I’m willing to shy away from a potentially great change?” I wish I knew the answer to one or both of these questions, but I don’t! And even more, I’m emotionally exhausted from trying to answer these questions. I feel paralyzed, yearning to move forward and see the great things that lie around the corner, but literally unable to make my body respond and move.
The reality is, I have a great life and a great extended family in Baltimore. I have multiple sets of friends who I can spend time with pretty much whenever I want to, I have a great extended family, and the Baltimore area truly has become a second home to me. Despite the negative media attention the city gets, I feel quite comfortable and in my element in Baltimore. I also feel like I’ve really overcome my challenges with shyness here lately…moving to a new place may lead to a regression in this area. The thought of moving away, even if it’s just a 30 minute trip, makes me feel a bit disconnected from my life. In an odd way, I think it would be easier to move miles and hours away. To me the anxiety I’m experiencing makes me feel like I’m paralyzed by the grip of fear, but is that really the case?
On the opposite side of fear lies intuition. Could the anxiety I’m feeling truly be a warning sign that I may be making a bad decision? Could this anxiety be God’s way of protecting me from unseen harm? I’m learning more and more to follow my gut instinct, but it’s rather challenging to do so at times like this when that gut feeling doesn’t really make sense. Despite this, I’m sticking with my gut on this one…