For perhaps all of the wrong reasons, Christmas cannot get here soon enough for me! I’m completely tapped out…my job (which I do love!), my church (which I do love!), my colleagues (well, love might be an overstatement for them, but I do like most of them!), and my family (whom I love dearly!) are all pulling me in every direction and I’ve given ALL I can give! I reached my breaking point yesterday, but this morning when I fell back asleep in the course of 2-3 minutes (between the time my alarm clock went off and the start of my church’s prayer call), I realized just how exhausted I am. I’m mentally overwhelmed, I’m physically exhausted, and I really would like to climb in a box, tape it up, and just go unnoticed while everyone walks by me. It’s that serious.
So, in light of this, I decided that I’m taking the week between Christmas and New Year’s off…I just need a break from everyone and everything for a bit. I think sometimes we innocently ask people to help with this thing, that thing, or the other thing, and never think about what else is going on in people’s lives. How frequently does someone tell us “no” they can’t be who we need them to be in that moment, and we relentlessly pressure them to continue doing that thing which they clearly said they can’t do? Do we ever think about how worn out that person becomes from doing that thing that we don’t even view as a burden?
I think that’s what people in my world fail to step back and think about. It feels like no one thinks about what else I have going on in my life. Now, I’m guilty of not saying “no” as often as I should, but it’s not all my fault. There have been a number of times that I’ve clearly stated I’m not available to help with something over the past year and it’s been met with such resistance…people who refuse to accept “no” for an answer, people who think I can just squeeze in one more thing. And now these responses have just left me angry…my house is cluttered and unpacked and I’m moving in one week…my workload continues to increase despite only having a few more weeks in this current rotation, and things with my family and church never seem to slow down. As I said earlier, I love elements of all of these things, but I’ve given so much to everyone else that I’ve failed to give back to myself…by the time I get home most days, I just want to get in the bed…I don’t even want to sit at the table and eat. No one should have a life so spent that they can’t enjoy the wonderful blessings that are all around.
So, that being said…I’m taking vacation time for me AND I’m determined to get some things off of my plate real soon (even if I have to take the “I can show you better than I can tell you!” approach. I just cannot continue as I am currently…I can’t even find joy in those things that were once stress relievers and I refuse to live like that in 2014!
Until next time…