On this Sunday afternoon, I sit in my newly crafted office space, my creativity zone, with a plethora of work to be done, and yet, in this moment I’ve decided to be still and allow my mind to be renewed and settled so that I can prepare for the week ahead. This morning I woke up feeling like the perfect storm had crashed on the coast of my life…the weight of my daily routine, and the fresh reminder of the many juggled balls that I’ve dropped lately, seemed to take over each and every one of my thoughts. The large project at work to finalize and a mere 7 days left to complete it, the Hebrew Bible mid-term due tomorrow and the exegetical paper due soon thereafter, the prayer line participants to organize for the week, the readings to complete for class and work, the household chores to be done, the finances to manage, and the future to plan…the waves of life’s perfect storm were crashing this morning with such ferocity that my breaking point seemed in my near future. And yet, despite feeling in way over my head, I was reminded that if I faint not during these moments of turbulence, great things are in store for me just around the corner if only I’ll open my eyes and see them.
Seeing is believing they say, but the notion of seeing something and believing it is an interesting concept to me. We can either literally or figuratively see something, and the expectation is that we should somehow believe what we see in either case. But what about when the things that we see unfolding literally in our lives don’t align with what we believe, how does one respond to that? For me, that’s a struggle, you see, while I see myself living in an apartment, I believe that I’ll soon be a homeowner, while I see myself going through periods of struggle, I believe that abundance is on the way, while I see myself as a single black woman, I’m yet believing that I too will be a wife and mother to mocha-colored children. But I have to believe beyond what I see, for in my life story, seeing is not enough to foster a believer’s attitude. In my story…seeing could cause one to lose hope and lose sight of the many blessings that God is storing up for me.
And so, despite my greatest efforts to always hold on to what I believe, despite my best efforts to believe even beyond what I see, there are times when this is difficult and I fail…times like this morning when it feels like I can’t juggle life anymore. It’s in times like these that I needed to be reminded that there is someone greater than me whose cheering for me, watching me, and concerned about me when my entire being has grown so weary that it can no longer believe beyond what my eyes can see.
I stand torn between two realities today, I believe that my life is about to take off and a new season is about to take root, and still my eyes seem to get fixated on a past that doesn’t want to die, a past that is trying (with all its might) to hold my future hostage, and a past that wants to remind me of my greatest challenges and failures. Despite this, I choose to believe that my greatest days are still in front of me, I choose to believe that I haven’t even begun to reap the harvest of the seeds I’ve sown, and I choose to believe that my future is brighter than anything I can see with my human eyes.
Until next time…I believe!